Question by Melissa D:
HELP!! My 4 month old has issues getting to sleep, staying asleep and napping.?

So this is my 3rd child, even though she came 10 yrs later, I am technically a new mommy all over again. Things have changed so much and it’s been so long I do not remember all the details of my first two and the what to do and not to do’s in the baby world.

Well my issues is my lil CJ is now 4 months old and still needs to be swaddled to got to sleep. She does pretty good at night, even though it could be better. I am trying to implement a bedtime routine as we’ve let her do her own thing for the past couple of months. She’s going to bed around 8-10pm, but we have to swaddle, with pacifier and put her to sleep ourselves. We’ve tried to lay her down half asleep and she just cries non-stop. She wakes during the night to feed but we are having to do a pacifier dance for at least 30-45 mins just to get her back to sleep as she spits it out but wants it back. It’s so frustrating and the up down thing is getting really old, not to mention I am wiped out in the mornings.

Lately she’s decieded she doesn’t want to nap or literally fights it. I know she’s exhausted so I do the usual, wrap, pacifier and pat her to sleep. The only thing is she’s only taking short 15-45 min naps and 85% of the time we can’t put her down she’s in our arms. If we try to put her in the swing or crib she wakes. I am at my wits end I do not know how to help her get the rest she needs. I have tried reading the cues to her sleepiness, I know the cues, just can’t get her to take that nap. We have nicknamed her “frankenbutt” as our sweet angel is now a lil monster. I have read that you should “sleep train” your infant then others say 4 months is too early. I am at a loss here and the lack of sleep and free time is driving me insane (more so that I usually am). She needs the rest and I need the time…and helpful hints, tips, ideas, something on how to help with sleeping, naps, swaddeling, etc…


Answer by jessieloco
Over the years of putting our own kids to sleep and keeping them asleep, and counseling thousands of other mothers and fathers on various styles of nighttime parenting, here are some time-tested, proven attitudes and techniques. Most of these are applicable to infants and toddlers of all ages.

Develop a realistic attitude about nighttime parenting. Sleeping, like eating, is not a say you can force a baby into. Ideal you can do is to create a secure environment that grants sleep to overtake your baby. A realistic long- term goal is to help your baby develop a healthy attitude about sleep: that sleep is a pleasant say to enter and a secure say to remain in. Many sleep problems in older kids and adults stem from kids growing up with an unhealthy attitude about sleep—that sleep was not a pleasant say to enter and was a fearful say to remain in. Just as daytime parenting is a long-term investment, so is nighttime parenting. Instruct your baby a restful attitude about sleep when they are young and both you and your kids will sleep superior when they are older.

Beware of sleep trainers. Ever since parenting books found their way into the nursery, sleep trainers have touted magic formulas promising to get babies to sleep through the night – for a price and at a risk. Most of these sleep-training techniques are just variations of the old cry-it-out method. And technology has found its way into nighttime babycare by providing exhausted parents with a variety of sleep-inducing gadgets designed to lull a baby off to sleep alone in her crib: oscillating cradles, crib vibrators that mimic a automobile ride, and teddy bears that “breathe.” All promise to fill in for parents on night duty. Be discerning about using someone else’s method to get your baby to sleep. Before trying any sleep-inducing program, you be the judge. Run these schemes through your inner sensitivity before trying them on your baby, especially if they involve leaving your baby alone to cry. Does this advice sound sensible? Does it fit your baby’s temperament? Does it feel right to you?

If your current daytime or nighttime routine is not working for you, think about what changes you can make in yourself and your lifestyle that will make it easier for you to meet your baby’s needs. This is a superior approach than immediately trying to change your baby. After all, you can control your own reactions to a situation. You can’t control how your baby reacts. Use discernment about advice that promises a sleep-through-the-night more convenient baby, as these programs involve the risk of creating a distance between you and your baby and undermining the mutual trust between parent and child. On the surface, baby training sounds so liberating, but it’s a short-term gain for a long-term loss. You lose the opportunity to get to know and become an expert in your baby. Baby loses the opportunity to build trust in his caregiving environment. You cease to value your own biological cues, your judgment, and instead follow the message of someone who has no biological attachment, nor investment, in your infant.

Especially in the first six months, avoid sleep trainers who advise you to let your baby “cry-it-out.” Only you can know what “it” is and how to respond appropriately to your baby. Using the rigid, insensitive “let-him-cry-it-out” method has several problems. First, it will undermine the trust your baby has for nighttime comfort. Second, it will prevent you from working at a style of nighttime parenting until you find the one that works ideal for you and your family and third, it may keep you and your physician from uncovering hidden medical causes of nightwaking. Nightfeedings are normal; frequent, painful nightwaking is not. (See related lessons: Hidden Medical Causes of Nightwaking, Letting baby “cry it out” yes, no?, and 4 Possible Hidden Causes of Colic.

Stay flexible. No single approach will work with all babies all the time or even all the time with the same baby. Do not persist with a failing experiment. If the “sleep program” is not working for your family, drop it. Develop a nighttime parenting style that works for you. Babies have different nighttime temperaments and families have varied lifestyles. Keep working at a style of nighttime parenting that fits the temperament of your baby and your own lifestyle. If it’s working, stick with it. If it’s not, be open to trying other nighttime parenting styles. And, be prepared for one style of nighttime parenting to work at one stage of an infant’s life, yet need a change as she enters another stage. Be open to trying different nighttime approaches. Follow your heart rather than some stranger’s sleep-training advice, and you and your baby will eventually work out the right nighttime parenting style for your family.

Decide where baby sleeps best. There is no right or wrong place for babies to sleep. Where

Answer by swimdol03
Are you breastfeeding? I do both but when my lil’ Jose is very upset he does not take his pacifier. I then breastfeed him a little and he ALWAYS calms down. If he is exhausted he will then fall asleep. It also seems that she might be too exhausted in the day to fall asleep quickly.

He has never been good with naps just like yours he sleeps well in the night swaddled. I do not mind swaddling him as long as I sleep longer. Yet, during the day is a different story. If he falls asleep in the automobile seat and I take him out of the automobile still in the seat, he will wake up about 10-20 mins after even if he was only a few asleep in the car. If he falls asleep in the stroller once is stops he will wake up within 10 mins. But if we fall asleep together, we will be out for 1-2 hours. Dont know if its the warmth or what but I usually do my reading for class then.

Is she feeding okay? Or underweight? Jose would also be very cranky and we would not comprehend why if I feed him an hour ago. But since I am doing both then my milk supply is no enough for a feeding so he is hungry again and he is really active so he needs more.

I also many times fall asleep with him at the 1-2am feeding. It has now moved to 4-5 since we have been given him more formula.

I hope this hopes. I know how swiftly you get tired.

Good Luck.

Answer by Xavier…The new man 4 me
hee hee frankenbutt lol. Adorable well these are my recommendations I am a new mommy and this is what I have figured out. The paci.. are you sure she’s not still hungry. My lil man only sleeps on a full tummy. My son was doing th same thing. Sleeping when he wants living the life of a king. I got exhausted of being a zombie so I put him on a “schedule” I wake him up in morning ( son is 2 months by the way), I only grant him 2 naps, I try to keep him active if he falls a sleep I do not fight it but I try to keep him awake. I do not let him sleep 2 hours before bedtime. Then I do bath, book, bed. It took a while and he’s getting into the routine. You might still have a few sleepless night but I think a routine will help out. Well at least it can’t hurt. I wish you luck.

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